Hey there,
I am a 14 year old member of the furry fandom, and would like to go to a furry convention. I've done some reading and found my situation is very unique from others. I live in a very right wing redneck Christian family, and adopted these traits for myself, as I am a religious christian, a conservative republican, and somewhat country. Luckily where I live, none of my friends know about the fandom, I'm one of the lucky kids that get a whopping 400 kb/s network connection. Anyway there's a possibility my father may know something about the fandom. My dad watches Tosh.0. Luckily one time I was up late watching Tosh.0, and found out about the "Furries Kid" episode while my parents were sleeping, it would be a disaster if they saw that episode. Anyway I try to keep that episode off the DVR because my dad records the series. So the issue is whether or not my dad saw this T.V episode. Anyway another issue that turned me off to telling my father about the fandom was I fell asleep on the couch one time, and slept in past everyone else. My dad came home from work at about 9 in the morning and told my family about this "really weird guy at work that liked to wear my little pony accessories, and attend Brony conventions" and told my sister to "Never be weird like that" So even though I'm not a Brony, I don't want my dad to look at furries the same way. Another experience I had that turned me off to telling people was when I was at diving practice,and I stayed after to visit a friend in a more advanced dive team who kind of like me. We started following eachother on Instagram, where I posted alot of my furry art. Well wouldn't you know it, she knows about furries. So I'm talking to her, and it turns out she's an artist as well, which I didn't know, and she was talking to me about drawing tablets. Then she says "What up with all the drawing of..." and a responded "Cats?" and she said "Furries... Are you a furry?" and I said "Yeah, sort of." And her response was "Oh my god raccoon! (She called me Raccoon which had nothing to do with the fandom, she started calling me that when I grew my hair out longer) Does that mean you're into beastiality?" and I of course am not so I said "Heavens, no!" and then she said "Good! Hey I have to go to practice, see you later!" So I texted her later that night asking her on a scale of 1-10 how weirded out she was, and she replied 2 and that it wasn't really that big of a deal and she said she was sorry for bringing up bestiality and that it was a weird thing to ask, but you're one of the last people I'd expect to be a furry. I had friends who've jokingly called me nerd jock because I'm very interested in computers, and cartooning, and because of my athletic ability. I earned that name right around when I got into the fandom as well as started benching 120 pounds at the age of 13 and then shortly later breaking our schools mile time record with 5:34. Anyway, I'm not really anti social, or an outcast. I've never wanted to risk this, so I've never really told anybody about the fandom, but then one day decided "I want to go to Anthrocon" So I started sharing my art on Instagram with my friends, and showed a little bit of my work to my parents as a first step, and am having difficulty climbing the next step to asking my parents to go to anthrocon. Really that's the best I can hope for, as much as I want to get a suit, there's no way I can justify spending $2,000 to dress up like a Wolf whether it's my own money, or a request for a gift, but any advice on any of this mess would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking your time to read my question. Anonymous * * * Dear Furiend, Been a while since you wrote me, so I am sorry for the long wait. Thanks for your patience. What you are dealing with is the Bane of the Stereotype. The stereotype about furries is that we are all jobless sex perverts who want to do it with animals. This, of course, is utter nonsense. You're a good example of someone who is into furry art, but, contrary to stereotypes, you are athletic, sociable, and not into porn. Because you are not a stereotype but an individual, the key here is to have parents and friends recognize you as yourself and not "a furry." Once they tag a label on you, you are doomed. So, you have to avoid the label. It is in human nature to label and categorize things. You are even doing it to yourself when you reply, "Yeah, sort of" to the query, "Are you a furry?" Let's begin by working on terminology. First of all, nobody who is a human being is "a furry." A furry is an anthropomorphic animal character such as Bugs Bunny. There is no such thing in real life as a Bugs Bunny, so the people who like these characters are actually "fans of furries" or "furry fans." To be even more long-winded, it would be more precise to say "I am a fan of anthropomorphized animal characters in the media" because not all animals have fur. But that is too much of a mouthful, which is why people shorten it to "I am a furry." There is a disconnect between the perception of what a furry is and the stuff that furries like. What are some of the things furries like? Well, they like Warner Bros cartoon characters, they like Kimba the White Lion, they like Po in Kung Fu Panda, they like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they like Rocket Racoon in Guardians of the Galaxy, they like Judy and Nick in Zootopia, they like Simba in The Lion King. Know what all of these have in common? They are all HUGELY popular in "normal" human society. But say "furry" and "normal" people (at least those who have heard of the fandom at all) think sexual deviant. It is the difference between being a fan of something and participating in a fandom culture. And it's not just true of furry fans. Say that you like Tolkien books and the Lord of the Rings movies, and people are generally cool with that. But dress up as Gandalf and role play in an event at Griffith Park, where people sometimes go to reenact scenes from the books, and you become a geek. Being underage and living in a conservative home like you do can make things more difficult, to be sure. If you don't think your parents can handle the fandom aspect of this, you can still enjoy furry fiction and art by disassociating yourself from "the fandom" and just going ahead and drawing, watching movies, and so on. That way, just as you are a "jock who likes computers" you can also be a "jock who likes cartoons and animated movies." Now, if you really really really feel a need to become closer and more sociable with others in the fandom, including going to furcons and furmeets, that will make things more complicated for you. However, what you can do to reassure your family that you aren't, let's say, "going to the Dark Side," is reinforce the other aspects of yourself that they find more acceptable: your Christianity, your "country" side, your being a Republican when it comes to politics. As long as your parents see that this part of you is not changing, that might reassure them. You might also be interested to know that there are many Christian and conservative furries out there (e.g. http://christianfurs.net/). In many letters to Papabear from young 'uns who have Christian, conservative parents, the problem is that these parents fear "losing" their kids to some kind of perverted, animal-fetishist movement (ironically, it is usually the parents driving away their kids rather than the other way around). Assure your parents that you have not changed regarding religion, politics, etc. and you will hopefully be okay. I hope that helps, Papabear
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Hi,
So I just found out about furries and was hoping you could give me some advice on how to were a tail and ears with a school uniform because I go to a stupid private school and tips on how to start a furry blog to get more young furries involved in this because it is a great way to express yourself. And I wore my tail and ears to hang out with my friends and they just looked at me like they didn't know me and where very quiet to me and wouldn't walk to close to m. How can I get them to like me for who I am and not care about my tail and ears. Fae (age 13) * * * Dear Fae, It is a reality of life among mundanes (nonfurry humans) that they simply cannot relate to or understand people who are different. Except for a minority of enlightened people who are honestly not bothered by others who are of a different race, nationality, gender, sexuality, religion, or even income level, the vast majority of mundanes feel uncomfortable around others who are not very similar to themselves. It is, therefore, naïve of anyone to expect such people to accept you for being you. They are victims of social pressures that make them conform to artificial “norms,” and reject anyone who doesn’t fit nicely into those norms. They are, frankly, to be pitied for leading such narrow-minded lives. My advice? Do not wear your ears and tail around such people unless you want to be rejected by them. Do not wear them with a school uniform—or at school, period. This is why we have things like furmeets and furcons: they are places we can go and be comfortable being who we are around other furries. Being a furry is like being a nudist: there's nothing wrong with the human body and being naked, but our society rejects that completely. Therefore, nudists only express themselves in places such as nudist camps and beaches. The same is true with furry. Mundanes feel uncomfortable around fur just as they are around naked flesh, it seems, so we end up being furry around others like ourselves. Many Western cultures say that they are in favor of people expressing themselves and being themselves, but they are actually lying about that quite utterly and completely. That goes especially for furries. Sorry to have to teach you this lesson, but you’re better off knowing now before you get severely hurt by a furry hater. In the meantime, try to find furries in your area with whom you can hang out. Hugs, Papabear Hi....
I told my mom I was a furry, she accepted it and she let me make paws. a while after I wanted to make feet paws and I showed them to her when I was done, I mentioned that I would want to get or make a head and she mentioned the fetishes, I knew about them but I was surprised she knew, she said in not getting a head because of that reason, how do I try to tell her that a lot of other kids are in the fandom too, and that bad part is a small part of the fandom? ~Pinktail the cat (age 11) * * * Hi, Pinktail, Sorry for my late reply. Please share this email with your mother. Dear Pinktail's Mom, Hi. I write a column for the furry community. I often get letters from people like your daughter. If you don't mind, I would like to speak frankly to you about the furry fandom, okay? A little about me. I am a professional author, editor, columnist. I am 51 and divorced. No, I am not a pedophile. Yes, I am a furry (not for prurient reasons). I write the column because many young people come to me for a sympathetic ear and some advice. The column is free to write to or to read online. I do not charge people for anything I do there. First, let me say that I think you must be a good mom. Many parents don't pay attention to what their children are doing, but you must have gone online and looked at what furries are and are concerned about your 11-year-old girl. (Please note, there is a lot of misinformation on the Internet, too.) You are quite correct to be concerned. You see, the furry fandom was begun in the 1970s by some science fiction and comic book fans who decided to create anthropomorphic animal characters in publications for adults with mature themes. Sometimes this involved sex and sometimes just more violence and adult themes. Anyway, from these roots sprang the furry fandom. I am currently writing a book on the subject, but it won't be out for some time. The fandom is definitely intended, though, for people who are 18 and older. That said, it is definitely NOT true that furries are just about sex and it is NOT a sexual fetish. That is actually just a very very small part of this whole phenomenon, and if you ever go to a furry convention or other furry gathering someday to see for yourself, you'll see it is really pretty G-rated fun like going to a Star Trek convention. It is mostly online that you will see the, well, more kid-unfriendly stuff. Now, this being said, I can see why furries appeal to young people like your daughter. You see, kids love stuff like Bugs Bunny and Zootopia and Kung Fu Panda and those are all very furry things (fiction about anthropomorphic animals). And they get excited about it and want to perhaps draw furry characters or, like your daughter, make a fursuit. While I will say that you are correct that it is far too early for your daughter to become deeply involved with the fandom, I would like to ask you not to discourage her creative imagination. Just because she wants to make a fursuit head doesn't mean she is going to watch porn online (please do, as all parents should, monitor your daughter's online behavior). Making a costume can be lots of fun, just like making a Halloween costume or dressing up as a hobbit or a Doctor Who character. Imagination and creativity are good things, I think you will agree. Instead of taking the easy way out and just forbidding your daughter to pursue an interest she has, get more involved with her interest (indeed, often, when parents forbid their kids from doing something it can cause them to be very resentful and hurt your relationship with them). Ask her why she wants to dress up as an animal. Help her to have fun with it. There are many ways to enjoy such things that have absolutely nothing to do with the adult aspects of the fandom. There are a lot of good books for young people (e.g., the Redwall series by Brian Jacques) and fun Disney and Pixar movies you can both enjoy sharing. Your daughter's interests can also encourage her to develop some artistic and practical skills, such as drawing and sewing and maybe even animation and filmmaking (potentially lucrative careers in the real world). You know, there are even people involved in these things who are not furries. For example, the woman who sewed my bear costume is not a furry; she just likes making costumes. I'm about to wear it at a parade in Pasadena. It's fun! So, just some friendly advice, and I hope you don't mind. I would not presume to tell you how to parent. I am just sharing my thoughts with you, and thank you for reading all of this. Good luck to both you and your daughter. Papabear (Kevin Hile) Hello,
I've always struggled with my identity as I am an African American teenager who has grown up in a military family. I've have always been struggling with my identity because I am black but I tend to have a more (what people call) a “white” personality. This isn't the only problem. My family and people I know say I have an “intimidating look.” I am 5’11”, and guess I could call myself pretty athletic. And added to all this I am black so nobody expects me to be into something like the furry fandom. When I was 10 years (around 2009) I moved too Japan. Around that time, I discovered I liked looking at and drawing anthropomorphic animals. I never knew of the furry fandom at that time so it was just a little thing to me. It was like that for the next 3 years until we moved back to America. This pretty much ruined my social life as I had already established my life in Japan. We moved from Baltimore, to Rhode Island, then recently too California, all within 3 years due to my father being active military. I discovered the fandom when I first moved to Maryland. I slowly got into it and was started drawing and admiring artists through YouTube, DeviantArt, etc. But the thing is during this time between being in Baltimore and Rhode Island, my outside personality completely changed to conform with the people I hung around in school. And the people I hung around with was (yup, you guessed it!) the typical ghetto, suburban, rude teenagers. It was a struggle for me as I wanted to tell people about me being furry and share my art and make friends who liked furry art. I was actually lighthearted, nice person on the inside but yet I had this forced, rude outside personality that kept all that hidden. I recently moved to California as I said earlier and I decided to make this a fresh start, yet I still have this conflict inside and outside of me. Do you have any suggestions on how to make friends that have the same interest as me even though my conflicting personality and outside appearance gets in the way? Maximus * * * Dear Maximus, It is indeed very difficult being the son of someone in the military who moves around a lot. Children are happier if they grow up with a sense of stability and home, which is hard to do when the average military family moves every three years (I’m just writing this for the benefit of my readers). One thing I would say about your particular experience is that you probably gained a lot of insight and knowledge about other cultures by living in Japan. That’s something that could benefit you and your view of the world. As for looking muscular and athletic—yes, I understand how people get intimidated by that, sadly. People judge too much by appearance, whether it is someone who is attractive (he’s attractive, so he must be a pleasant person) or ugly (he’s ugly, so she’s a bad person) or whatever. People see your muscles and that you’re black and think you’re a thug or some such. So sad. Obviously, you’re a sweetheart inside. Now the trick is this: having the courage to show others who you truly are. You’ve conformed to the “ghetto” set because you wanted to be accepted and fit in (very human desire), and you are probably afraid to show your furry side because you could be rejected by your peers at school. For starters, since you are likely to move again and again, I would not be overly concerned about peers at school, unless some of them become actual friends and not just people you are trying to get to like you. Second, I would start slowly by first trying to make friends online. Fortunately, there are many places you can do this, and if you like I will send you some suggestions if you haven’t already located some good furry social groups. You could start with SoCal Furries (http://www.socalfurs.com/), since you’re in Oxnard, and, if you ever get the chance, try to go to the Prancing Skiltaire monthly furmeet that is held in Glendale (http://prancing.skiltaire.net/). Start talking to furries online, start posting your furry art, talk to fellow artists. When you locate some who start to click with you, then you might start to show them both your outside and inside through photos, cam chat, and the like. You have to let your guard down. This is scary, I know. Very scary, but it’s clear you are not happy living a charade. You want to be who you really are, right? A nice guy who is into furry, likes to draw, likes to be physically fit, and happens to be black. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. And, you know what? You’ve discovered a community—furries—who are more accepting of differences than many other social groups. Here’s a cool article about how more and more African Americans are getting involved in the fandom (Anthrocon is an example): http://newpittsburghcourieronline.com/2013/07/10/more-african-americans-get-involved-in-anthrocon-every-year/. Another thing that benefits you: many furries absolutely adore Japanese culture (especially anime, of course, and Japanese cartoons have had a very strong influence on the fandom--Kimba, the White Lion being of particular note), and you’ve experienced it first-paw! You can certainly find furries who share this interest with you, both in America and back in Japan. Maximus, you don’t seem to know it, but you have stumbled into a community that might just be the ticket for your releasing the inner you: furries. I encourage you to get involved with them. I’m sure you’ll find some cool fuzzy friends. Hope that helps. Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
I'm a 14-year-old boy that is a major furry. I love the whole fandom. I was worried to tell my friends; when I told them they were okay with it, but they didn't get it. When I was riding with one of my friends in her car, I told her about being a furry. This was the first thing she asked me: "Are u gonna yiff when you get older?" I told her no. When I told my mom, she knew the bad stuff about the fandom. My dad didn't know what furries are, and he is gonna research it. My question is, "What should I do to help them get the furry community?" With Many Love, Just turned 14 Tundra * * * Hi, Tundra, I've explained furries many times on my website, of course. Sometimes, though, pictures work better than words. Here are some furry videos that really show the heart of furry. Feel free to share; perhaps they will help:
The above emphasize fursuiting too much, of course. There is a LOT more about furries than that, including art, writing, and music:
The problem with mundanes is that they only have one view of the fandom. Try and give them a more well-rounded perspective of what we are about and feel free to share these links and others with them. Bear Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
So I've been attending a new animation and art college and It's been going great. Sort of. I got into furries when I was 14 years old and I love it to this day. But it seems people at my university have a problem with furries. So a few days ago we were told to do a project. A simple animation texture on water and hair, I asked my professor on if I could draw FUR. As I was planning to draw an anthropomorphic ANIMAL. As I'm not often able to speak to him personally, I was basically forced to only be able to ask him in-front of everyone. So, After I asked the question, a few people chuckled, I brushed it off. So as the professor I could assume wondered why, he asked me, and I told him I was drawing an anthropomorphic animal. No harm in that, correct? Wrong. There was about 4-5 people in the room hysterically laughing at what I'd asked. Again, I brush it off. So the professor didn't laugh, he knew what it was, but didn't think much of it. So he said yes. As I was working on my project on my digital tablet, a few students behind me happened to look at my screen. When they first heard "anthropomorphic" I imagine they didn't think quite of FURRIES. So when they saw the drawing/WIP of the animation, they asked me if I was a FURRY. I said yes; I now know that was a horrible choice. They laughed and laughed. I could hear them whispering about it and chuckling about it for the rest of the time of that class. After that day, I had a couple people come up to me as I was walking to my dorm, yelping "yiff yiff! yiff yiff!" In my ear. It just bugs me a whole lot how they assume I enjoy that side of the fandom. I told them to stop. They laughed, and they did it again today, but more of them. Almost the whole school knows at this point. But that’s not all. I had a girlfriend by the name of Aleshia, she knew I was a furry, but she didn't really know what a furry WAS. So I can assume that those specific students, or maybe others, told her what the "public" knows as a furry: a monster that dresses up in animal costumes and has sex. And her, being a very gullible person, believed it. So she broke up with me today, and I'm devastated. I've tried for 3 hours today trying to talk to her and she won’t listen. How do you think I should get over this? Or, even better, prove to these people furries AREN'T bad people! Aquil (age 17) * * * Dear Aquil, Let’s be clear that there are a couple reasons for the mocking you received: 1) your fellow students’ ignorance of furries, and 2) because of the social dynamics in schools where cliques find a target person who is seen as weak and vulnerable to mock, tease, even beat up so that they can reinforce bonds with the “cool” people. These are not people who are interested in hearing arguments about the true nature of furries (no matter how correct or well-reasoned). They are only interested in finding someone to pick on so they feel better about themselves. For this reason, trying to educate them is pointless. What you need to do, then, is deal with them as one must deal with any type of bully: ignore them. They only have fun and get off on their bullying when you give them a reaction. Even a simple “Stop doing that” is sufficient for them because they know that you don’t like their teasing, which is what they want. So don’t react. Indeed, ignore them completely. As Nick Wilde said in Zootopia, remember to never let them know they have gotten to you because that’s what they want. The only time you should take a criticism to heart is when it comes from a person you respect and who is trying to help you. These people do not qualify in either category. Also, keep in mind that laughter is an effective weapon. Instead of acting upset, laugh at them. As for your girlfriend: I’m sorry what happened, but, seriously, do you want a girlfriend who believes some stupid social clique more than you? If she truly loved you, she would be supportive of you and listen to what you have to say in your defense. Instead, she turned her back on you and didn’t even give you that chance. You don’t need a girl like that. Keep looking. You’ll be better off. Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
I have a big problem, Which is a little nerve wracking. It was only last month I attended comic con and kinda realized that I was attracted to furries. I mean, I always kinda liked the idea but never like this before. It kinda brewed inside of me until I decided to check out some uh... unsavory images. I don't really want to specify as this website is accessed by many. I just wanted to say that I was awakened. I have been struggling with this for a month or so. I know it is nothing compared to others but I am really confused. I feel ridiculous but I can't help the feelings. I don't know how to tell my boyfriend, George of three years. I know he will freak out and possibly dump me. I also don't know if I should ever come out to my parents. It is always difficult. I have a suit but it is firmly tucked away in my wardrobe. I don't know if wearing it downstairs and inviting my boyfriend and parents would be good. Maybe a catwalk. I don't know. I am so confused Gentle Giant (age 18, UK) * * * Dear Gentle, Questions like this keep coming up with my column, of course, and it causes me to think and rethink the issue, which is not a bad thing. First of all, it should be stated that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your sexual interest in furries. Now let’s discuss the whole “gotta tell my family, boyfriend, friends etc. etc. about my sexuality.” No. No, you don’t. Sexuality is an extremely private thing (or should be). You are in no way obligated to tell your parents and other family members. This doesn’t mean you don’t love them or are not being honest with them. It is none of their damn business. Do you ask your parents what they do in the bedroom? “Hey, Mom, Dad, you guys have any kinks? Use toys? Can you recommend a good lubricant?” No, you don’t, because it ain’t your business to ask. So why do you have to tell them? When it comes to your lover/boyfriend that’s different, of course. Since you are (I presume, or this wouldn’t be an issue) having sex with him, you should be able to talk about what your interests are sexually, and he should be able to do the same with you (you might find out he has a kinky side, too, for all you know). A couple things can result from this: 1) as I mentioned, you might find out he has a kinky side too, and might even think furotica is fun, so there will be no problem; 2) he might not be into furry sex, but be wise enough not to judge you about it because you have other things going on (this was the case with me and Yogi; he had some things he liked, I had some things I liked, and we helped each other out); or 3) he could be a giant ass about it, call you a freak, and storm out of your life; if that is the case, good riddance and you’ll be happier without someone like that in your life, trust Papabear when he says this. So, no, don’t don your fursuit and show it to your parents and boyfriend and cause a big blowout. That’s just nonsense. You’re 18 and an adult and can have your own personal life that has nothing to do with your parents. It’s fine to do that. There are many other things you can share with your family that can bring everyone joy. Good Luck! Papabear Papabear,
I have autism and I'm gay and obviously a furry. I just don't know how to deal with the fact that I'm a living stereotype of all the insults, all the hate. I don't know how to put up with it anymore, and I recently had to come out to my parents because I had just got my first boyfriend and the next day I was texting him and my mom walked in smacked my phone and found out everything about me being a furry gay and about him. My mom made me leave him only after being his for less than 2 days. I just don't know what to do anymore. Tyler (age 15, Florida) * * * Dear Tyler, As you might imagine, Papabear gets questions like this all the time in various forms. Sometimes I just write the furry an email and don’t post on my website; other times I do. I post on the website because no two situations are exactly the same and also because each time I answer the question “How can I be myself when my family hates all the things I am?” I try to approach it from a different angle. For other versions of this, feel free to browse the “Coming Out Furry” category. Now to you. I’m going to start with a story. Papabear has a very dear friend named Sam. Sam is an older, gay gentleman who was once married and during that marriage he had two children: a boy and a girl. His son got into some trouble, fathering a child out of wedlock and he did something against the law and was in prison for five years. Through it all, Sam loved and supported his son as best he could. Yesterday, his son died of a heart attack. He was only 30. Sam is crushed, his heart is broken, and he’s been weeping uncontrollably since he heard the bad news. Here you have a man, Sam, who came out gay. His son accepted him. Here you have a son who went down the wrong path and ended up in jail. Sam loved him still and tried to help him. They loved each other. They appreciated each other. Therefore, even though their time together was cut short, they didn’t waste their time and found joy even when there was heartache. On the other hand, here’s another story. It was published in 1995 as a book titled Prayers for Bobby: A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son by author Leroy F. Aarons. This true story is about a very religious Christian woman named Mary Griffith, who learns that her son, Robert “Bobby,” is gay. She utterly rejects him for being gay. She tries to “cure” him through prayer. His son, devastated by his own mother’s rejection of who he is, jumps off a bridge at the age of 20 and kills himself. Afterwards, Mary comes to realize that she destroyed her own son and there was really nothing wrong with him. But it’s too late. Griffith has since then become an outspoken advocate for gay rights. Here you have two parents, both devastated by loss. The difference is that one had a loving relationship with his son and no regrets because he accepted him, while the other, because she was blinded by ignorance, actually caused her son’s death just as surely as if she had shot him with a gun. The message here is that parents should love their children for who they are no matter what, because you never know when there might not be a tomorrow. Your mother needs an education in the fact that her denying you a relationship with a boy or doing anything else to stop you from being who you are will not work and will, if continued, destroy your relationship. You cannot pray away the gay. On the other hand, you can be gay and be a Christian. Here is a wonderful sight I stumbled across one day for gay furries just like you: Rainbow Ark. I suggest you go there and read through the material. If you like, send me your mailing address and I will send your mother (give me her name to personalize it) a copy of Prayers for Bobby. She could benefit from reading it, even if she isn't a Christian (I'm assuming, sorry). All that said, you need to start creating a plan for yourself. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, so to speak, you can expect increasing pressure from your mom and family unless you can turn things around. Here are two courses of action…. Turning Things Around The optimistic scenario is that there might be hope that you can convince your family that being gay is not the end of the world for you. To try to accomplish this, you need to arm yourself against attacks that the Bible says being gay is wrong. Here is an excellent article by Harvard Professor of Christian Morals Peter J. Gomes that summarizes concisely why this is a fallacy. Whether or not your family is religious, It is also important for you to take a calm, rational stance on this matter. If you react as angrily as your parents do, then the only thing that will result is a shouting match. You, being autistic and the young teen, are at a disadvantage here because the parents have all the power (financial and legal). Try to see things from your family’s perspective. The underlying cause of their reaction is probably not that they hate you for being gay but, rather, that they are fearful that you will get a disease or some other nonsense that is just as true for straight people as it is for gay people. They might think, too, that because you are gay you’re going to run out the door and have sex with the first guy you find. Also nonsense. Gay people are just as capable of love, monogamy, and, yes, chastity, as straight people. Nevertheless, listen to their arguments. Acknowledge them by repeating what they say after they are done, such as, “I hear what you are saying. You think this and this, but actually this is what I am feeling and this is what is true for me….” The same goes for being furry. Some people think that furries turn people gay. The truth is that many gay people gravitate toward the furry community because they find acceptance here. That all said, there is no reason why you have to go this alone. Get help from a professional. By this, I mean you have such options ranging from family counseling, finding a government social worker, or (and this might go well with your parents) getting your family together with your minister (hopefully you have a good minister and not a homophobic one; if he or she is antigay, then obviously that is not an option). Go to the Resources page on Rainbow Ark for some helpful links. Worst Case Scenario I hope this won’t be the case, but there is the possibility of being rejected by your parents, even kicked out of the house. Before this happens, you need to find some support, somewhere you can go if the worst happens. Do you have any relatives who might offer you a safe haven to live? How about friends? If not, seek out an LGBT youth center. In Florida (not sure exactly where you are) check out The Zebra Coalition. You don’t want to be one of the growing number of statistics of young LGBT people wandering the streets because their parents kicked them out of the house. Find as much outside support as you can: other family members, friends, nonprofit LGBT organizations, government resources. Start researching on the Internet sooner rather than later. You need a safety net. There is also the possibility that they won’t kick you out, but they will keep you under strict control at home for a long time. If you think you can do it, you might just want to “lay low” for a couple years until you can find some financial independence and move out of the house. Not a great option, but it might be something you need to do. Get started on the above and let me know how it goes. I know it’s a hard row to hoe, but do the best you can. Bear Hugs, Papabear Papa Bear,
I have a problem and it involves this guy I really like. His name is Jordan and he is really nice. I know this question has been asked many times before but I don't know how to tell him that I am a furry. Ever since I was a boy I found the whole idea of a furry very intriguing. But I kinda knew many people wouldn't accept me. When I told my parents they called it a “phase.” I have never had to do this before and I have never liked a guy as much as I love him. We have had some sexual encounters but I am afraid that it might put him off if I tell him I want to wear my furry ears and tail. I know it is not for everyone. I have heard him mock the group before but I cannot tell if it is a joke or not. I don't know if he would be more accepting if he knew that I loved him. Please respond as soon as possible, I want to tell him quickly Have a nice day, WoolWasher * * * Dear WoolWasher, I know the feeling. After I fell in love with Jim, I decided to tell him I was a furry. I was very nervous about it. One night we were in bed, I gulped, and I told him. And you know what? He said, “Why were you so nervous about telling me? I think it’s cute, and even if I didn’t I would love you anyway.” Now that’s real love. Jim was not a furry himself, but he came with me to furcons and other events and we have photos of us together with me in fursuit. You might, therefore, be surprised by telling him and getting a response that thrills you! Before you put the cart before the horse, however, I would suggest that your first step should be telling him that you love him. If he loves you back and says so, then the furry thing should not be an issue (if it is, then he’s probably not the one for you). If he says he doesn’t feel the same way about you and plays the “let’s just be friends” card, then it won’t matter whether you’re a furry or not in that case, either. My advice to you, therefore, is tell him about your feelings of love first, then tell him you’re a furry. Real love accepts you for who you are, and you should never feel fear about being who you are with the one you love. Get it? Good luck! Hope it comes out like you hoped! Papabear hello papa bear. my names Red the shapeshifting wolf knight
well befour I ask my question I need to let you ( and the readers) know that my wrighting and spelling is a bit off so im very sorry about that well I need some help and a bit of advice I join the fandom in 2012 I first learn about it by watching videos on youtube and artworks on deviantart so I been enjoying it and enjoying other things besides just furries. I wanted to tell my family about me being a furry but I always been very shy and worred about thare reactions and worried about what they think of it and not accept me. one day my younger sister found out about it on her own and by telling me this she shown me an episoad on my "my strange addiction furry episode" and told me furries wear thare fursuites 24/7 and been quitet about it until 2016 when last tusday she was upset and told me furries like sex and are perverting people. as my older brother also found out while in an anime convetion that I was not around but told me furries are into sex and porn and also told me "your not a furry! you have to have an fursuite to officialy be a furry" and "furries are shy people they rater act normal in sute thin they are as a human" and my dad I told him and was sore of ok with it but freaking out about fursuites thinking they are creepy and worred if someone was inside they try to kill me or worse. but my older brother and sister said they are both trying to protect me from the fandom. im asexuall and im not into the adult side of the fandom just enjoy artworks and ideas and meeting new people but everytime I try to explain that they just ignore it. I have told my mom but dose not know half of it and I want to explan it befour dose not accept me. so at this point I don't know what to do and I need some advice and what should I do? please reply soon: Red * * * Hi, Red, Okay, let me pass along some quick information here:
So, what do you need to do? Nothing. Just be yourself and don't let others, especially your family or peers at school, tell you who you are. There is only one rule you need to know, and it comes from the Bible. It is called the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In other words, be kind to people because you would want them to be kind to you. You are now in a part of your life that is quite hazardous. It is a time of life where you can either give in to family and peer pressure, do what society says is "normal" and live your life pretending to be something you are not, OR you can take the path to discovering who you really are. To do this, you must disregard what others tell you you have to do or be (other than don't do things that hurt other people; see the Golden Rule above). The people who are the happiest in life are the ones who define their own lives and who know who they really are. Know thyself. Hugs, Papabear |
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